Dr Andrew Thomas Cicchetti Memorial

Tribute from all at SHERA Research Group

With profound respect and deep gratitude, we remember the life and legacy of Dr Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, a beloved son, brother, uncle, clinician, activist, educator, doggy Daddy to Chico and Mel, and friend whose unwavering dedication to ending abuse and commitment to healing transformed countless lives.

For his 30-year career, Andrew served as a beacon of hope for those navigating trauma, addiction, intimate perpetrator violence, and the complexities of LGBTQ+ mental health, until he was sadly and suddenly taken from us. As a licensed clinical social worker and Ph.D., he brought both scholarly depth and lived empathy to his work. His approach was rooted in Gestalt therapy, trauma-informed care, and fierce advocacy. He empowered victim-survivors and challenged systems of silence and abuse.

A feminist ally and survivor of domestic abuse and coercive control himself, Andrew turned his personal pain into purpose. He became a trusted voice in the fight against narcissistic abuse and coercive control, not only providing therapy but also as an expert witness, speaker, and educator on the national and international stage.

His writings, podcasts, and curated online resources - especially for marginalized communities - will continue to inform, inspire, and guide us. Whether leading therapy groups, mentoring young clinicians, or speaking truth to power in courtrooms and media forums, Andrew embodied integrity, warmth, and courage.

He leaves behind a legacy not only in clinical practice and advocacy, but in the lives of those he uplifted, the systems he challenged, and the truths he dared to speak.

“Healing does not mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.”
- A truth Andrew helped so many to believe.

May his memory be a blessing, his work live on, and his spirit continue to guide those committed to justice, healing, and love.

Rest in peace, Andrew, with love from all your sisters at SHERA Research Group.

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Individual tributes

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The passing of our friend and colleague Andrew has been incredibly difficult for all of us, not least for those of us at SHERA Research Group. Andrew has been a strong ally to us and all victims of domestic abuse and coercive control for several years now. He not only supported many of us personally, but fought within Brazil and beyond to improve the safety of victims, particularly mothers and children. Andrew won his first expert witness case in Brazil, citing our Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS) framework, and he was thrilled to share this news with us. We spoke frequently, sharing ideas and writing together, and had plans to do so much more. Andrew was the sort of person who would be there for you if anyone attacked you, often stepping in to show support and solidarity. He never forgot your birthday and was always there whenever you needed to talk. On his own birthday, rather than think of himself, he would ask you to make a donation to a women's charity in his name, ever the thoughtful and giving person that he was. He gave so much of himself to others. He also had a unique ability to simultaneously annoy me, fill me with warmth, make me laugh, and at times reduce me to tears! We had our differences, and you could always be sure that Andrew would tell you his honest thoughts, but he always made you feel safe and loved in his presence, and for that I am forever grateful.

In the first case of its kind for a gay man in Brazil, Andrew made the argument that the abuse he faced personally was coercive control, a part of domestic abuse and psychological abuse, and that this is better understood as psychophysiological abuse, akin to torture. These are sentiments we share.

Andrew leaves behind a legacy of friendship, love, and liberty. Those who knew him know that he fervently declared that coercive control is a liberty crime, in line with the sentiments of Prof Evan Stark, and the loss of them both has now left a gaping hole in our hearts. Andrew was clear to me that he knew exactly what the solution was to ending abuse, and that this was love, kindness, nurture, and spirituality. Again, these are values I share with Andrew and will always hold onto, with our friend in my heart. I know that Andrew is looking down on us all, for we would often pray for each other, and I know there is a special place in heaven for Andrew. I hope that we can honour him by holding his words and his work dear as we continue in this fight together, for as he stated so often, "never forget, we are stronger together". More than anything, I hope Andrew has finally found the peace he so deserved.

May the choirs of angels come to greet you, Andrew, and may they lead you to paradise Xxx.

- Dr Elizabeth Dalgarno, Founder and Director of SHERA Research Group.

Getting to know Andrew was a study in kindness and compassion.  He had a heart so big that it could fit the universe inside of it. Andrew gave a voice to the voiceless and there wasn’t a social justice matter he didn’t want to fervently take up on someone’s behalf. He never shied away from speaking truth to power and he gave his assessments deadpan and directly. He was such an amazing friend, and I don’t think I’ll meet another person like him in my life.  He cared selflessly for his loved ones, including ailing friends and people on the margins of society that were in need. He loved animals, he loved living in Brazil, and he cared for his mother. Leos love so hard.  All he asked for was that in return and I think he was failed.  He was so hurt by recent unfortunate events in his life that he went back to square one and reinvent himself and wanted to redirect that energy to help others who are unprotected in a harsh world. He loved red wine from the Rhône region of France and he loved sitting on his balcony with Chico, his beloved pet shih tzu, and enjoy the view in his town. He loved authentic Japanese cuisine, museums and Broadway.   He took martial arts up later in life and felt empowered by it. He listened with no judgment and delivered advice and facts not sugar-coated.  Every time he got wounded by life, he dove into helping others.  And for that, I’m so proud and blessed to have him as my friend.  He will be so missed and I am so utterly saddened to hear of his passing.  Andrew.  We see you.  We love you.  You made a difference.  In your words, Lute Sempre 🙏

- Stephanie Palmadesso.

A Poem for Andrew Cicchetti, PhD, aka Dr. C - a dear friend and colleague. 

DOB: July 20, 1965

DOD: Nov 29, 2024

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Andrew Cicchetti, aka doctor C 

Was more than a colleague - but a true true amazing friend to me.

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We met in 2020. 

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He was extracting himself from a horrible relationship - 

a man he had loved had committed the greatest betrayal - 

taking advantage of Andrew’s kind heart 

As Andrew would say - 

Coercive control can happen even if you are super smart. 

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He asked for my support and explained his plan. 

He wanted more than anything for Brazil to understand

that a man can be a victim of coercion and control 

Even without physical evidence 

Another man could try to take your soul. 

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I empathized with him - this kind, gentle man

But also made it clear to him - I might not be able to take the stand…

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This was soon after my own escape and My trust in men had been shattered - 

I had no interest in providing expert testimony on this matter.

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I explained - My passion is w protective mothers and I cannot forsee - 

a time that will give me more stamina and space for your (Andrew’s) advocacy.

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But Andrew was a different kind of human. 

His kind heart authentically real 

He didn’t try to convince me 

but made me a deal

He listened to stories and knew the pain - 

he ached for protective mothers everywhere and explained - 

I’ll be a man’s voice for so many women 

He understood the harms that abusers inflict to even their children

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So many of you know the rest - Andrew’s life’s work as an academic and clinician

Soon pivoted to that of a coercive control expert 

Andrew was on a mission. 

He wanted everyone to know who the abuser is 

How they inflict their harm

He was not quiet - 

Dignified and respectful 

But also quite loud 

His own experiences would not be disavowed

He worked diligently on his case and made his way 

To serve in Brazil 

For the forgotten victims - men and women who are trans, bi and gay 

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On Twitter and beyond 

He created alliances and forged beautiful friendships 

Andrew became the link that connected us all

These collaborations will continue on from today

History will look back and recall 

This one man accomplished a herculean task 

He brought concepts and people together 

And perhaps only had one ask

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That his conceptualization of coercive control continues to be shared

That we can grieve the loss of a loved one, a therapist, a colleague, a friend

But that each one of us have something to contribute 

That Andrew’s work doesn’t have to end. 

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In loving memory - to you Andrew 

-Dr Christine Cocchiola, Clinician & Coach specializing in the traumatic experiences of adult and child victims of Coercive Control / Narcissistic Abuse.

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On this July 20th, we honor our dear friend Andrew Cicchetti. A tireless human rights advocate, Andrew was a true example of compassion, courage, and dedication. Always envisioning a better world and seeing the good in everyone, he became a pioneer in Brazil in the fight to protect survivors of domestic violence within male same-sex relationships. He was also a strong voice against domestic violence as a whole, shedding light on the weaponization of parental alienation accusations against mothers within the LGBTQ+ community.

Though Andrew left us last year, his voice continued to resonate. Just months after his spiritual journey, his advocacy reached the Brazilian Supreme Court, contributing to landmark progress: men in same-sex relationships can now be protected, report abuse, and request restraining orders in Brazil.

Today, on his birthday, we honor his memory with love. We celebrate every truth he brought to light and every fight for justice that continues to carry his spirit forward.

- Paola Motosi, Head of Policy and Impact, SHERA Research Group.

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Andrew Cicchetti Sparkles On

I never thought I would have to say goodbye to Andrew Cicchetti so soon,

and like many, I’m still not ready.

I first met Andrew in February of 2022. Dr. Christine Cocchiola referred him

to me for help as an expert witness on his legal case in Brazil.

That is, two cases.

First, his divorce and the consequent problematic division of properties

from a husband who he considered abusive.

And second, with the case that he hoped to bring to the Supreme Court of

Brazil. Andrew and a team of attorneys led by Paulo Iotti aimed to extend

the protection of the Maria da Penha law—which then protected women as

victims of domestic violence—to men abused by other men and to trans

victims. Andrew was clear that the legislation needed to be written so it

wouldn’t open a window for male abusers to claim victimization by their

female victims.

He understood the politics of that. He was great on gender issues

Andrew said he wasn’t really fighting for someone like himself—who had

education and resources and would ultimately be okay. He was fighting,

rather, for low-income young men in the favelas (low-income

neighborhoods) of Brazil, whose lives are often taken over by older, richer,

more powerful men.

I got to know Andrew rather well as I wrote an assessment of coercive

control for his legal cases. We spoke with tears about his situation. We

laughed over the absurdities of the legal world. We debated ideas and

shared resources. We compared notes on the Portuguese language, New

York life, and Brazil.

When I heard that he had died, I checked my email folder. Andrew had sent

me over 300 messages in less than three years’ time. And those are just

the ones I kept. Plus the calls and Whatsapp messages.

Andrew learned from me about being an expert witness in coercive control

legal cases and sent me his first report for review. His intelligence and

caring shined through on its pages.

I’m sad about Andrew’s loss to the world. He could have changed so many

more lives as a psychotherapist, university professor, thinker, activist,

expert, and friend.

Andrew took conceptual leaps that led to some truly original thinking. He’d

put a catchy name on phenomena which helped me, and others, identify

them. I can’t always tell which ideas were his alone, and which he pulled

from the diverse literatures which he relied upon in his thinking. Some of

the ideas that I associate with him:

That coercive control IS a form of physical abuse because the

falling in love process and then the abuse process both alter a

person’s physiology through the release of neurotransmitters.

That it should be possible to annul marriages based on coercive

control due to the deception and manipulation involved.

That coercive control domestic violence should be considered

torture.

That the term “love-like acts” best describes the roses, chocolates,

and other signs of grooming and love-bombing that occur in coercive

control.

That moving a partner across national borders for purpose of

exploitation should be considered human trafficking. He called this

“abuse-induced migration.”

That abusers use the concept of “twin souls” to intensify the

trauma bond with their victims, seducing them into conceiving of the

relationship as inevitable, all-encompassing, and unbreakable.

He would talk about “campaigns of coercive control” and “the credible

threat of punishment” that was part of such abuse.

I don’t entirely agree with all Andrew’s ideas, and I very much looked

forward to the conclusion of his legal cases so he and I could collaborate

closely on writing together. I kept a professional distance because I was

working for him as an expert. Of course, I now regret our missed

opportunities. Andrew was one of those rare men who not only knew the

power of his own thinking but was also willing to listen and modify his

ideas, where it made sense. Even informal emails were full of citations—he

wanted to give everyone the credit they deserved.

Andrew Cicchetti’s spirit lives on in our hearts. His ideas live on in our

minds and our work. His legal impact survives in the important 2025

extension of the Maria da Penha Brazilian law from protecting only women

to also protecting gay men and transgender folx from domestic violence.

I don’t know what happens after people die. I like to imagine that Andrew is

playing with puppies somewhere in the great beyond. He then pauses,

looks up, flashes his twinkly eyes, and expounds on a bright new idea

which dazzles us all.

- Dr Lisa Fontes, Expert: Coercive Control, Domestic & Sexual Violence, & Child Abuse

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Andrew's memorial held by friends, colleagues and clients

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